Wednesday, March 31, 2010


With 2010 being my "year of change", I find myself reflecting on things I need to work on about myself that I am unhappy with.

I have quit two habits that were not healthy. I am spending a little more time on me and not as much on everything and everyone else. I laugh alot. One thing I am concentrating on, however, is to stop worrying what others say or think about me.

I find myself getting upset by comments made by people that I have no control over. I am working on realizing that what they say is not who I am. People say things out of anger but it is not a reflection of who I have worked so hard to become.

I have also found that by incorporating "gratitude" into my everyday living, the blessings continue to flow. I have been blessed by two wonderful daughters and two wonderful grandchildren. It is a privilege to be in their lives and write on the slate of who they are and who they are becoming. I am so very grateful!

I am grateful for waking up each morning knowing that the day will be filled with blessings -- some small and perhaps some major. Today I am grateful for the sun and the nicer weather.

I have been blessed with the love of animals (my 4-legged friends). I have learned so much from these creatures that have given me so much joy.

I am a work-in-progress but I am grateful that I am given a chance to be that work-in-progress.

The Power of Gratitude is with me as I greet each and every new day and the blessings are flowing.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


The dictionary describes "vulnerability" as "susceptible of being hurt" and "open to criticism". At first glance, this might sound like a bad thing. I view vulnerability as a good thing.

In my last blog, I talked about my fear of flying. In order to conquer that fear (which I did on March 10 and 14, 2010 when I traveled to and from Kentucky--2 days/6 flights!!!!!!) (and the fear was quite debilitating), I needed to make myself vulnerable. I was open to not only the possibility of being physically hurt and I suppose emotionally hurt as well, but I was also open to criticism by others because of that fear. I heard alot of comments that "flying is no big deal" and "you'll be fine", etc. Unless you walk in someone else's shoes (or quake in someone else's boots, as the case may be), you do not truly appreciate what that person's fear does to them. I took a leap of faith and confronted my fear head-on. I am so glad I did!

I learned that opening myself up to new things and confronting old monsters is so liberating. I now know that no matter how vulnerable I may feel, I am extremely resilient. My move from South Dakota to Kentucky in May (completely uprooting and going to the unknown) is just another example of becoming vulnerable. I do not fear vulnerability. I view this as a necessary part of living--I mean truly living--not just putting one foot in front of the other, muddling through life--but being a willing participant in my life.

Conquering my fear of flying and allowing myself to be vulnerable to all of the possibilities that life has in store for me is the greatest feeling. I am truly liberated and open to all things new and different. I feel ALIVE!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Facing My Fears

I grew up in a large family (11 counting my parents) where people did what was safe and within their comfort zone--not taking chances, not facing fears--just muddling through life putting one foot in front of the other--suffering in misery because they were afraid to go it alone or confront new situations. I inherited many fears from my mother who seems to be afraid of everything from water to heights to being alone.

Over the years, I have tried to conquer many of those inherited fears by confronting them head on and for the most part, I have been successful in dispelling many of those fears. One fear, however, is the fear of flying. In the '80s, I flew twice and was just as fearful afterwards as I was before I flew (if not even more fearful). I have taken Greyhound buses cross-country and ridden in cars for hours just to avoid my fear of flying.

Well, now that I am in the process of metamorphosis and I am taking on many new and perhaps scary ventures this year, getting over my fear of flying is one of my projects. Next week, I will be on a trip with my 17 year old daughter (who has never flown) to our soon-to-be new home in Kentucky and we must take 3 planes (each way) to get the job done.

As a coping tool, I have changed my way of thinking about flying. I am now viewing flying as "freedom"--the freedom to spread MY wings. I am using the airplane as a metaphor for this. I am looking at this as an adventure instead of a fearful experience. Once I conquer this fear, look out everyone because I will then truly know that I can accomplish anything!

So next week, with my daughter by my side, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers while I am taking on this fear and looking it straight in the eye. I will be free and ready to continue my journey of self-discovery and metamorphosis. Facing my fears...

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Lessons Learned from a Feline

Well, here we first attempt at blogging. I started setting this up yesterday when I was in a different frame of mind (a mind of discontent with how things were in my world). That was then, this is now.

One of my precious cats, Chanel, started feeling poorly last weekend. She was a little unsteady on her feet and had difficulties with grooming and other daily tasks. I tried a few home remedies and Chanel started to appear to be on the mend.

Last night, however, at around 7:00 p.m., she took a turn for the worse and somehow instinctively I knew she would not live through the night.

My 17 year old daughter, Autumn, who is Chanel's best friend, was at a local college watching some one-act play performances and would be home quite late but I just wished her to be home with Chanel and I (and Chanel's daughter, Miracle, and my Calico, Snickers) before Chanel passed.

Autumn arrived home at around 10:30 p.m. just as Chanel started to labor in her breathing. The five of us stayed together and even though Chanel was in such distress, she appeared as though she knew we were all there for her. Then at 1:00 a.m., Chanel went to Heaven. I never knew how much I could love a cat until that moment.

I at once felt guilt for not taking her to the vet. My daughter lovingly told me that Chanel was probably too sick for a vet to do anything. I love that daughter of mine. She was comforting me as well as feeling her own sense of loss.

I learned that no matter how your day might be going, nothing is too great to bear. If my cat, Chanel, could withstand the pain and suffering she went through before passing from this place, I should not complain. This is a valuable lesson I learned from that feline!

This afternoon as I am authoring this blog, I feel Chanel's presence beside me s"purr"ing me on to express my feelings and heal from her loss. My daughter and I are embarking on a new adventure when she graduates from high school in May, 2010. (More about that in future blogs.) Chanel will be able to be with us on that journey in spirit and I know she will be a source of inspiration and comfort to my daughter and me.

Chanel, my fuzzy girl, you will be missed. Thanks for your unconditional love and understanding. Thank you also for reminding me that some things are more important than petty grievances about everyday life. I can hear you purring from Heaven because you are content.